MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Saturday, January 27, 2007~~

Everytime when i m on the bus returning home, i will tend to ponder. Yesterday like always, i was on the way home by bus, and it poured. This, made me pondered a lil' more. Everything's passing so fast...too fast. it may not be a bad thing, but i just cant breathe.

Been thinking alot recently, but i have not come to any decisions. I guess its nice when people do know what they are doing or what they want to do. These pple seem to be able to have focused lives. Sometimes, i wish my directions are as clear as them. However, I know its not that easy. Part of me cannot settle down. And it always hold true that plans with support are much more easier to accomplish than one which most do not care or worse- oppose.

Soon, NP will be history. 3 years of NP student life will end. To be honest, I really thank NP, cos' it made me experienced the extras...or rather, the specials. I've met lotsa pple, and learnt a great deal from each and everyone of them. I am really grately for all that i've received from the school and the pple there. I'm not sure if i'd have chosen this path again if i had another chance, but i guess i don't regret this decision, this life.

Today, should mark the end of my application to PSC. The test wasn't hard in my context, i had no time. And, i realised the problem. Lifting my hand to my chest, i realized, i didn't follow my heart, that's why no signs of anxiety nor spirits lifted me up to face the test or the application. All of this, was planned by the school and i merely went forth to do it. I nv considered it personally, nv thought if i really wanted it. Unfortunately, these thoughts came a lil' too late i supposed, cos i reckoned i would fail the test and its through the test that determines if i will get through to the next round. Its a fact that this path is not what i want most, but its a good path. Its a...safe path. Too bad i guess, goodbye PSC. Sorry to all NP staffs who wanted me to get through badly.

On a lighter note, i just have to mention that we all have to know that the world is so big outside that there is always people on par as ur standard or is even better than u. Just the psychometric test alone make me feel that my standards are just there. Just that. I will continue to self-improve but at the same time, i know, that the competitive world outside is still too mature for me. I'll grow up. Just give me time. Right now, i prefer to sway with the wind.

Being a floater, i would choose to give pple up becos i m afraid that my unpredictability may cause harm or annoyance to them. It is not that i want to give them up, i just don't wish to hurt them.

I need to breathe. The night sky seems harmless and peaceful.

Projects are killing. Assignments are piling. Common tests is nearing. Exams are not far off. GRADUATION seem so near, yet so far.

Should you give me a chance again, i guess i will give my all to you. But i know that it is virtually impossible cos' i've hurt u too deep. 你好就好.

4:43 PM